i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
