Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
