butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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