The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
