If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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