i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
