Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize