Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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