if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
