Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
