I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
