he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
