Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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