i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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