I wanna passion pit in your ass
I met the friendliest cop last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
