So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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