Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
