I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
