i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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