Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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