reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
