It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
