I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
