I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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