I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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