Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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