on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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