I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
