their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
