I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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