??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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