yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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