Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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