explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
