You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
