i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
