I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you would pick up someone in the library
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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