Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
