The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
