But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she looked like the before picture.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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