i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
