what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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