his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
