I need to stop coming to work sober
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
