just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
