dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My balls are so social today.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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