you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
