I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
