The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
