I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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