Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
