I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
