i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
