I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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