Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
