people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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