Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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