he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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