I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
