It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
