are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
