Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
