you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
