so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
