Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the raccoons are back...
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