how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
