you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
