Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You have to summon your inner elephant
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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