The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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