i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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