Please, let me fuck your mom
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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