I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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